Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
