I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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