I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize