; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
