oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
