i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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