Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
