Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
