lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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