Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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