can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
