We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
