i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize