i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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