At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
