I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
