If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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