You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
