Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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