I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
