Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
