did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I still have a little drunk in my system
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
