My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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