She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
