I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just had sex bonerless
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
