i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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