I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
