Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We were destined to go to rehab together
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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