theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
