sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
