Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize