Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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