Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
