I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
