Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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