he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I'm really busy with my period
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
