Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
