I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
