i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
