Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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