you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
