Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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