Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
