my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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