So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
