Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize