I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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