Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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