Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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