I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
