Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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