You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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