my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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