the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
