This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
