do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
