everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
