...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
