She said her name was "party"
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
