drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
