Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize