I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
