I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
