my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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