how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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