So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
